I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize