My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
