Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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