things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize