Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
