His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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