I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
