in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
