I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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