i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
