My pussy is not your playground.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
