I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
