Screwed.edu
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
