Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
