She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
