I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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