I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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