i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
