remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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