so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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