"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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