So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Still dying that you shit outside
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
