a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
