i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
