This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Every concussion has its silver lining
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
