Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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