What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
