dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
