hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
