dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
