Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
