go do what you do best...puke behind churches
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
