Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i've created a new STD.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
