I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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