Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
