I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
