He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
