She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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