I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
