hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
