how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
