I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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