After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
