i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So I just went to clothing optional bar
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
