i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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