The maid of honor just puked.
I just pynch a tree in the face
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
