What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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