Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
