Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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