I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
