he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Randomize
