Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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