I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
