The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
