Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
