i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
