We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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