She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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