I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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