The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
