My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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