dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
