Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize