He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
