I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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