he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
